Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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