can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
