It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
