Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize