Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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