hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
