Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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