I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
