Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
