Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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