level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
