Having a random hookup so left but love u
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
