I wanna passion pit in your ass
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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