I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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