I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
