Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
