corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
