More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Quick, to the slutcave!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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