i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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