I just threw up on my dentist
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
