On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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