I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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