If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
