I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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