The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
