The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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