Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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