trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
