the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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