Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
