stop calling my apartment porn island.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
