my being single is dangerous.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
