He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
