i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
