It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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