I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
