I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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