i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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