So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
