I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize