And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
