so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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