So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
