just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
