he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
