He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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