People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
