So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
