You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
