soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
