Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize