i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
