Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
