I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
