every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
