Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
