i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
