You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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