Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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