does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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