im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
