Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
