note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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