You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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