She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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