She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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