Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
