I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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