I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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