whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
