I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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