I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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