Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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