Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex on a dog bed..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
