Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
