There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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