I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize