I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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