A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
