Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
