I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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