Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
