just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
