No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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