$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
