I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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