So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
