Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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