i wish starbucks made bloody marys
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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