i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
