Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
