I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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