I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
