I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
