There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
