i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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