Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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