He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
