just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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