What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
