So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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