if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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