and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
