Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She needs sedatives and a leash
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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