For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
