Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
